News
Advertisement

around the web



TMZ Tour
TMZ Tour


Jessica Simpson Turns 32--See Her Funniest Quotes!

0710_jessica_launch
Jessica Simpson
turns 32 years old today!

She gained fame along the likes of Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. And while Jessica never gained quite as much musical acclaim as the ex-Disney stars, she’s definitely made a name for herself over the years!

Simpson wed boybander Nick Lachey in 2002, and the couple's reality series "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica" solidified Jessica’s status as a natural-born entertainer. Who can forget when she asked if her tuna was chicken or fish?

Since calling it quits with the 98 Degrees front man in 2006, she’s started a super successful fashion line that's raked in over a billion dollars. She's also one of the judges on the NBC series "Fashion Star" alongside fellow designer Nicole Richie.

But on the top of her list of achievements, she can now add mother! Jessica and fiancé Eric Johnson welcomed baby Maxwell May 01, 2012.

As the blonde bombshell turns another year older, we thought it would be fun to pull 32 of her funniest quotes for the occasion! Enjoy.

Jessica Simpson's Funniest Quotes:

1. "All I have to say is: Jessica Simpson is the most beautiful woman on the planet!"

2. "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.'"

3. "At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory."

4. "I have to go... drop some kids in the pool."

5. "I made sure no butt cheek hung out. You know, the original Daisy, Catherine Bach's shorts were shorter than mine."

6. "I respect knowledge of the psyche. I would be a therapist if I weren't an entertainer."

7. "I think that freshness and that innocence is something that is missing from a lot of female singers. I'm certainly not denying that I'm young, but I'm not fluff."

8. "I think there's a difference between ditzy and dumb. Dumb is just not knowing. Ditzy is having the courage to ask!"

9. "I'm such a blonde. It just doesn't make sense for me to have dark hair."

10. "Is that weird taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?"

11. "Twenty-three is old. It's almost 25, which is like almost mid-20s."

12. "On my first day of Jr. High I was in Geography class, and the teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. And I was sooo excited. I was like, Damnit! It's my first day of 7th grade, I’m in Jr. high and I know this answer. So I raised my hand I was the first one and I said A-E-I-O-U!"

13. "Whenever my water breaks it'll be like a fire hydrant!"

14. On being pregnant: "I am definitely feeling 'intimate' ... I'm kind of unstoppable at the moment! ... Like the big 'O' is like the biggest 'O' ever."

15. On getting pregnant: "We weren't trying, but we were definitely practicing -- and not safely practicing."

16. Via Twitter: "The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that! RT @OMGFacts The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!"

17. "It’s fun to do a small film that might be released to DVD not because it’s a horrible film, but because it’s an independent film."

18. "I've almost had my license taken away because I ran so many red lights. But it was worth it. Everybody was safe, I must add. I haven't killed anyone."

19. "If I'm just in a hang-out mood, I won't even wash it. I'll wait until it smells."

20. "To be my man, you have to put up with a lot. I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABCs."

21. "I kinda want to be the Reese Witherspoon of the music industry -- the girl next door who wears a great dress and has great hair."

22. "I will never do nudity. I don't care how dark and intellectual the role could be, you know...I don't care if I frickin' could get an Oscar for it, I'm not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me. I don't think people deserve to see what's under my clothing. That's only for my next husband-ha-ha-ha."

23. "Musically, my dream is to do what Norah Jones did. I can't play the piano, but to sit next to it and just sing."

24. "My mom was really worried I'd grow up looking strange, so every night before I went to bed, she'd pull my legs and stretch them so they'd be in proportion with the rest of my body."

25. Introducing herself to U.S. Secretary of the Interior Gale Norton in December 2004: "You've done a nice job decorating the White House."

26. "My bra and underwear always have to match. I love that. I've collected a whole lot of sets. When a girl has on color-coordinated underpants, she just feels sexy. And I've been a cheerleader, so I should know!"

27. When someone offered her buffalo wings: "Sorry I don't eat buffalo."

28. "I'm definitely shy, so it was definitely acting for me to drop a trench coat and be in a bikini and try to get my cousins out of trouble by using my body. That was definitely acting."

29. "I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it."

30. On golfing: "What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad took one of his friends golfing, and it was, like, one of his first times and he knocked out a duck. Like, I'm scared that's going to happen."

31. "Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus?"

32. "I'm really clumsy, so I trip and fall a lot. And every time I perform in New York my pants split onstage. That's happened four or five times. Every time, I pull on my mom's jeans as fast as I can, so there we are, standing backstage without our pants on. It's like a curse."

blog comments powered by Disqus