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Jessica Simpson Turns 33 -- See Her Funniest Quotes!

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Jessica Simpson
turns 33 years old today -- and she's come a long ways since infamously asking "Is this chicken, or fish?"

In the last year, the singer has been spending far less time in the spotlight. Jessica gave birth to her beautiful daughter, Maxwell, in May 2012 and in June she welcomed her second child, Ace, with fiance Eric Johnson!

While the blonde beauty found fame along the likes of Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, today, Simpson is focusing less on music and more on her family and fashion line.

We can't wait to see what Jessica does next ... and finally see her and Eric say "I do." To celebrate Simpson's big day, check out some of her funniest quotes below and click "Launch Gallery" above to see more pop stars then and now!

Jessica Simpson's Funniest Quotes:

1. "All I have to say is: Jessica Simpson is the most beautiful woman on the planet!"

2. "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.'"

3. "At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory."

4. "I have to go... drop some kids in the pool."

5. "I made sure no butt cheek hung out. You know, the original Daisy, Catherine Bach's shorts were shorter than mine."

6. "I respect knowledge of the psyche. I would be a therapist if I weren't an entertainer."

7. "I think that freshness and that innocence is something that is missing from a lot of female singers. I'm certainly not denying that I'm young, but I'm not fluff."

8. "I think there's a difference between ditzy and dumb. Dumb is just not knowing. Ditzy is having the courage to ask!"

9. "I'm such a blonde. It just doesn't make sense for me to have dark hair."

10. "Is that weird taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?"

11. "Twenty-three is old. It's almost 25, which is like almost mid-20s."

12. "On my first day of Jr. High I was in Geography class, and the teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. And I was sooo excited. I was like, Damnit! It's my first day of 7th grade, I’m in Jr. high and I know this answer. So I raised my hand I was the first one and I said A-E-I-O-U!"

13. "Whenever my water breaks it'll be like a fire hydrant!"

14. On being pregnant: "I am definitely feeling 'intimate' ... I'm kind of unstoppable at the moment! ... Like the big 'O' is like the biggest 'O' ever."

15. On getting pregnant: "We weren't trying, but we were definitely practicing -- and not safely practicing."

16. Via Twitter: "The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that! RT @OMGFacts The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!"

17. "It’s fun to do a small film that might be released to DVD not because it’s a horrible film, but because it’s an independent film."

18. "I've almost had my license taken away because I ran so many red lights. But it was worth it. Everybody was safe, I must add. I haven't killed anyone."

19. On her hair: "If I'm just in a hang-out mood, I won't even wash it. I'll wait until it smells."

20. "To be my man, you have to put up with a lot. I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABCs."

21. "I kinda want to be the Reese Witherspoon of the music industry -- the girl next door who wears a great dress and has great hair."

22. "I will never do nudity. I don't care how dark and intellectual the role could be, you know...I don't care if I frickin' could get an Oscar for it, I'm not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me. I don't think people deserve to see what's under my clothing. That's only for my next husband-ha-ha-ha."

23. "Musically, my dream is to do what Norah Jones did. I can't play the piano, but to sit next to it and just sing."

24. "My mom was really worried I'd grow up looking strange, so every night before I went to bed, she'd pull my legs and stretch them so they'd be in proportion with the rest of my body."

25. Introducing herself to U.S. Secretary of the Interior Gale Norton in December 2004: "You've done a nice job decorating the White House."

26. "My bra and underwear always have to match. I love that. I've collected a whole lot of sets. When a girl has on color-coordinated underpants, she just feels sexy. And I've been a cheerleader, so I should know!"

27. When someone offered her buffalo wings: "Sorry I don't eat buffalo."

28. "I'm definitely shy, so it was definitely acting for me to drop a trench coat and be in a bikini and try to get my cousins out of trouble by using my body. That was definitely acting."

29. "I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it."

30. On golfing: "What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad took one of his friends golfing, and it was, like, one of his first times and he knocked out a duck. Like, I'm scared that's going to happen."

31. "Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus?"

32. "I had doors slammed in my face as a 14-year-old because my boobs were too big."

33. "I'm really clumsy, so I trip and fall a lot. And every time I perform in New York my pants split onstage. That's happened four or five times. Every time, I pull on my mom's jeans as fast as I can, so there we are, standing backstage without our pants on. It's like a curse."


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