Brittany Cartwright Reveals Jax Taylor's Reaction to Special Forces Exit After Saying She Wouldn't Make It Far (Exclusive)

The star of The Valley was the first one to self-eliminate on the new season, after wading through mud, jumping out of a helicopter and carrying supplies to base camp left her at her breaking point. This after she, referring to Jax, claimed on the show that she "had my ex writing me, like, 'You're not gonna make it far,' right before I even came here." She added, "People like that, I want to prove wrong."

"I mean, I'm disappointed that I was the first to go," she told TooFab after her exit in an interview on Monday. "That's something that I did not want to happen, but living it and being there, I felt like it was my time to go. It was so hard. It looks hard, and it's even much harder to live it, let me just say that."

"A lot of people are easy to judge from their armchairs back home, and, 'Oh, I could have done that,' and, you know, I want to see you try, because it's difficult," she continued, adding that while she feels disappointment, she's also "still proud of myself for a lot of things" she was able to accomplish, as well, including conquering her fear of heights by jumping out of a helicopter.

While Brittany said she hasn't heard from Jax since the episode aired, she told TooFab she didn't "tell him immediately that I was coming back" after she quit.

"It's a 20-hour flight back from Morocco, so I didn't say anything, I just showed up, and I was like, 'I'm back!' And, you know, it was a lot like, 'Oh, haha, I knew that you wouldn't make it that far, and blah blah blah,'" she said of his reaction. "And I just kind of like let it just roll off my shoulders, because I can't care anymore what somebody who is like that has to say about me."

"I think it was in the back of my mind, like, I wanted to prove people wrong, especially after getting a text message like that, but I didn't deserve to get a text message like that in the first place, you know?" she added.

Brittany said she has still been getting "a lot of love and a lot of support" despite her early exit, but has also seen messages from "a lot of haters, like, 'Oh, you didn't try.'" To them, she says, "Trust me, I tried. Trust me. It just … it wasn't for me at the time, but I tried. It was an experience I will never regret doing. You know, it was such a cool thing to see how it all works, to be in Morocco, to be with an amazing cast. You know, there was a lot of awesome things that happened while I was there."

"Even though I didn't make it very far. It was a complicated time in my life. I missed my son. There was just a lot of different factors that were happening, but I put myself out there, left my comfort zone, and I tried," she insisted, before saying she wished she was "in more shape" during filming, before explaining how the Directing Staff (DS) affected her mentally, following her split from Taylor.

"I thought I would be more prepared mentally, and instead, you know, coming out of a toxic relationship, the DS are doing their job, they're doing what they're supposed to do by yelling at us and putting us down, they're trying to try to knock us down and bring us back up. For me, it didn't work like that. It was triggering," she explained.

"It didn't motivate me. It was something that I didn't think was gonna happen to me that did, and I feel like that a lot of people that did Special Forces, like, a lot of things that you don't think are going to affect you do," she continued, "and that was something that affected me that I did not see that was gonna happen."

Saying that "it's just timing for everything," Brittany added that she's "in such a better place in my life right now" than she was at the time of filming. She's also vowed to "put myself first a little bit more" after filming the show, saying the experience helped her realize she's "always taking care of everybody else" and is "never focused on myself" -- promising to "give myself a little bit more self-love and self-care" going forward.

She also said she can't wait to show her son Cruz the video of her jumping out of the helicopter, after telling TooFab that being away from him for about a week to film was "the hardest part" of the shoot for her.

"I know it only looks like one day on camera, but I was there for at least 7 days before we got to the course, and I had never left him that long before," she explained. "I was FaceTiming him over and over and over and over while I could, while we were in the hotel still. That was crazy, because I was all the way across the world, like, what if something happens? But I think that once I do show him me jumping out of the helicopter and stuff like that, he's still gonna be proud of me. He'll understand."

Check out the video above to see what she said about bonding with Teresa Giudice on set, which of her fellow Valley costars she'd love to see on the show and whether she'd be down to try the series a second time for redemption.

Special Forces: World's Toughest Test airs Thursdays on FOX.